


a home is meant to be shared

by faenova



Category: AR∀GO ロンドン市警特殊犯罪捜査官 | Arago
Genre: Arago needs a hug, Canonical Character Death, Friendship, Gen, Trans Character, Transman Arago
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-19 15:16:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13707114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faenova/pseuds/faenova
Summary: Arago runs away from home, discovers himself, and comes back changed. Rio is the only one who knows.or: Arago needs a support system. And this time, he's getting one.





	1. reunion

**Author's Note:**

> This is a combination of a few favorite "what if" scenarios dumped on the manga, the biggest two being trans Arago and Rio finding out about magic early on in the manga.
> 
> Warning for gender stuff, I suppose. Arago will say he "used to be a girl" because that's how he feels, even if that way of thinking doesn't jive with some people.

Arava doesn't really realize it until after she runs away. She's sixteen and it's been a year since she's seen Ewan's face and she kind of unofficially got adopted by a drag queen when she was squatting in an empty building near a club of some kind. The drag queen introduces Arava to her other queer friends, and Arava stumbles over the word a few times before it feels more natural and not like it's an insult.

That's how Arava finds out there are more options than just the gender you're given at birth. That there's more to just being straight or gay. She panics for a while, because it's so out there and it can't apply to _her_ , right?

But it does apply to her--to him.

He kinda likes how it feels.

He _really_  likes how it feels.

His new friends tell him he can pick any name he wants, to go crazy with it if he really feels like it. He already likes how his name sounds though, so he goes through lists of names that sound like Arava until he finds _Arago_. He plays with it for a while, unsure. Is it too similar? Too different for him to like it? But then the group calls him Arago for the first time, and his heart does a backflip and he feels like he's on top of the world.

The drag queen buys him his first binder, as a gift. He chops off his braid and makes sorry attempts to speak in a lower register. He doesn't pass very well, he thinks. He looks like a preteen boy at best and a tomboyish girl at worst, but the small changes make him feel... better. He didn't even know he was feeling bad about himself until now. It's like a weight off his shoulders that he forgot was there.

It takes adjusting, like anything does. But it's a good adjustment.

~

He meets Ewan again years later, and they fight. He feels Ewan pull his punches (doesn't want to hit a girl) and he can see the shock on Ewan's face when his baby sister knocks him down. Arago knows, he can see Ewan thinking it. He doesn't know how Arago's changed.

"Ewan," Arago says coldly.

"Arava," Ewan replies. Arago flinches, he hasn't heard that name in so long. "So you were alive after all."

"Of course." He bites down on correcting his name. "I'm not gonna die before I take that bastard down." _Ewan wouldn't understand he never understands anything don't say anything he'll only fight you on it_ , Arago thinks rapidfire. "You know there's been an awful lot of strange cases lately..."

It's easier to talk about Patchman. That's one fight that's already out in the open. Arago nicks Ewan's badge--more shock. How does Ewan think he's survived all this time if he's surprised at something so basic as pickpocketing? It almost comes to blows again, but Arago screams and storms out. Just like last time.

His hands shake with unreleased anger, and he splits his knuckles on the wall he punches when he's far enough away that Ewan won't follow.

~

Arago encounters Patchman, after all this time. Patchman gets away.

~

Ewan tells him to get in the car and Arago puts the argument behind them because this is more important.

~

They argue anyway.

~

They crash the car.

~

He only remembers what happens next in his nightmares.

~

He wakes up on a table, with no recollection of what happened. He's got... something on his nose. He yanks it out. There are machines and tools and--blood.

He comes to a bit more, and jolts, toppling the table and equipment and himself onto the floor. He's shirtless, for some god-awful reason. He covers his chest and tries to find his shirt or his binder, but only finds that everything is sore. His chest feels heavy in a new uncomfortable way and his stomach spikes in pain when he tries to stand.

He prods around to find the source of the pain and finds scars on his torso. Big ones. But they look old, how long has he been out of it?

Then he looks up and sees bodies and other parts strewn around the corners of the room, and-- _Ewan_. He ignores the pain in his stomach and runs to his brother, who has incisions that are identical to Arago's scars. A Y-incision across his chest, and he can only tell because it's still bleeding through the bandages covering his torso. But Ewan is still breathing, still alive. They barely even say anything before Patchman shows up.

It's a blur. Ewan distracts Patchman and Arago tries his best to fight. There are words, he knows, but it's too horrific to acknowledge in the moment. There's a bright light and Patchman is gone, and Arago hauls Ewan onto his back to try to drag them both out of there.

The building collapses behind them.

Ewan doesn't even make it through the door.

~

Arago doesn't leave. He belatedly thinks he should, but he can't let go of Ewan's body until someone, he thinks the paramedics, pry it from his hands.

He gives a statement to the police. He doesn't lie, but for once he can't bring himself to mention Patchman. It doesn't seem real. None of it feels real.

~

He tries to eat food, and he immediately throws up anything he puts in his mouth. It rots in his fingers, and there's no way it can be real.

~

Everything dies at his touch and he has to wear gloves to stop plants and people from rotting, and it's not real.

~

Everyone is covered in floating lights and colors, and it can't be real.

~

There are Things that wander the city, creatures he couldn't come up with even if he tried to, and reality has never been farther away.

~

Then Ewan's funeral happens, and it's suddenly real.

~

Arago doesn't actually attend. He can't bring himself to do more than linger at the gate of the cemetery and leave when people start talking about his dead brother. He can't listen. He'll cry if he does.

He goes far, far away from the funeral and the people and everything he can think of.

He cries anyway.

He doesn't come back to say his goodbyes.

 


	2. transition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surgery and hormones weren't an option when he was homeless. It's even less of an option now that he has brionac.
> 
> But now a new option is presenting itself: magic.

His body is beyond fucked, he figures that out pretty fast. He isn't sure exactly what Patchman did to him, what he took out and changed. But he knows some organs got replaced with Ewan's, and he knows that some things are just... gone. Or at least he assumes they are, because he stopped getting his period which was terrifying. He went through at least twenty different stolen tests, and it was only months later that he could say with confidence that he wasn't... that Patchman didn't...

Well. He can conclude that his uterus is gone. Or at least it's ruined enough that it doesn't function anymore. He has hazy memories of Patchman saying he didn't want to deal with the _problems_ that a female body presented after he was gonna shunt Arago's soul out to replace with his own. Joke's on him, Arago doesn't want to deal with it either. The near constant pain in his abdomen is less than ideal, but at least he can check off one thing on his long list of what he would change about his body if he could transition medically. He never really thought he would get to do that, since surgery and hormones weren't an option when he was homeless. It's even less of an option now that he has brionac.

But now a new option is presenting itself: magic. One of the first sleazy creatures he comes across that can talk offers to make him a _real_  man. For a price. But it's not a price he can pay, so he reluctantly turns down the deal. The goblin-like thing looks disgruntled and scurries away, but doesn't bother him again.

But if a creepy goblin can do it, then other things can as well. Arago tries asking other creatures he meets if they can change him. Make his body match how he feels, give him some kind of relief to constantly wanting to pull off his own skin. But all their prices are too high. Memories of Ewan, of his parents, of _Patchman_ , losing his vision or his hearing... one creature told him it wouldn't take anything from him, but the transformation would revert back to his "original" body if he ever tried to raise a hand against Patchman.

He kills that one. It's mostly an accident. It's small, and he hits hard, and brionac is hard to let loose in small bursts. He feels a little bit bad about it.

~

He finally finds an answer when he stops looking. He saves a small fae, a little nature spirit from bigger monsters who had run her out of her home tree. She asks him what he would like as a reward, and he jokingly says he would love it if she could change his body.

"Your body isn't worth saving me to you," she says quietly. "But I can give you information." Arago is confused, but information is better than nothing so he nods. She tells him, "Changing your body completely means more to you than you think it does, and you'll never be able to pay the price. Try to make smaller deals."

Arago blinks. Thinks a minute, and comes back with "So... if I asked you what it would cost for you to make my chest flat..."

"Oh, no!" she shakes her head, and her leaves fluff up like feathers as she gets flustered. "I don't have that kind of magic, I'm just a sprite. Try it with someone more powerful."

He says he appreciates the help (doesn't say thank you this time, score one for Arago) and does what she suggests. The very next spirit he asks offers him several options in exchange for getting rid of his breasts, and almost all of them are things he's willing to give up.

His thumb, but only the first digit. His hair. A whole pointer finger. The ability to read. Two teeth.

He ends up bargaining away his left big toe, as well as the ability to ever regenerate it again. He knows it'll be a pain to relearn how to run, but it's enough of a pain that it's worth getting rid of his biggest cause of dysphoria.

He wakes up the next day without a big toe and with a flat chest. No soreness, no scars other than the ones he already has, and nothing out of place. He cries in relief, and burns his ratty binder in celebration. It sets of the fire alarm, but it's worth it.

~

It's barely a few days later that he tries for more. He wants to see what else he can change physically. He's not sure how much he wants to mess with downstairs. His only huge annoyance was his periods, which are a non-issue now. But his hips are still so obviously feminine, and his baby face and slim shoulders can be fixed, he hopes. He asks around, but most of them say he doesn't even have anything worth trading until one creature says he'll do it for the price of a relationship.

"I don't have anyone left," Arago says, exasperated. "And my memories aren't on the table."

"Oh no, you still have a few people left," the fae reassures him. "Even if you haven't seen them in a while, you still care."

Only two people come to mind. Rio, he never really expects to see again even if that thought hurts. But the other is--

"Yes, her. The queen who taught you what you are. I want your relationship with her, and I'll even throw in some extra height for you."

"I'll forget her?" Arago's throat feels dry.

"No, no. She'll forget _you_. As will everyone else who met you through her. Just give up that portion of your life. You won't get it back."

Arago reels. He hasn't seen her or any of the queer group at the club since he got brionac. He hasn't risked visiting any of his old contacts since then. But... maybe that's for the best. He's dangerous now, and he attracts dangerous things. He finds himself negotiating exact cosmetic changes to his body and agreeing to the deal. It's instantaneous this time, instead of overnight. He gets dizzy when his vision jumps as he gets taller. His body feels weird, tingly, and wrong for a split second. But the feeling is gone soon, and so is the fae he made the deal with. He trips over his feet a good number of times trying to get home, but he's giddy about it.

He tries to visit his friends at the club the next day, against his better judgement.

They don't remember who he is.

He doesn't expect it to hurt this much.

~

Arago doesn't even think about making another deal for a month, but he has a constant issue that won't let him forget he has one last problem to fix. Every time he opens his mouth it sounds like a ten year old got trapped in a man's body. He doesn't even have the luxury of a squeaky-but-definitely-a-young-boy voice, he can't make it sound lower even when he tries.

He only has to ask one fae for a deal. He offers the only thing he has left with any worth--Ewan's glasses. Better that than his relationship with Rio, even if he doesn't know if he'll ever see her again. His hands shake as he hands them over, and he feels something in his throat shift uncomfortably. He tells the fae he appreciates the business, and jumps at the sound of his own voice.

He sounds like Ewan.

He breaks down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i introduce a character in chapter one just for the purpose of arago losing them? yes. i did.


End file.
